Today I was wondering, why on Earth is it so difficult to sit in front of the computer and blog?! I am passionate about my writing, I have absolutely no friends to hang out with (my closest friend lives in a completely different time zone), I have a good computer and plenty to complain about.
So what is it? What stops me?
I can come up with a thousand reasons, but the fact of the matter is, I just don't.
My Turkey went out last night, his friend is visiting and I'm so jealous I can't even think straight. But, if I really think about it... his friend hasn't visited us since we moved to this side of the Country, and he only came to visit us once when we were on the other side. We see my friend at the other side of the World a lot more often than we see him. So why am I so jealous?
Again, I can come up with a thousand reasons, but the fact of the matter is, I just am.
I'm starting to spot a trend. I seem to do (or not do) all these things and feel all these emotions without ever really understanding why, so then, a few months down the road, I do something or say something stupid that then makes me do, or feel even worse. And I never do anything about it.
Do I complain too much? Absolutely! I know I do!
I've been sending messages to every friend I can think of, trying to schedule skype calls, and it feels like I'm a debt collector chasing payees. Nobody picks up, nobody replies, nobody really cares!
Am I surprised? Not one bit. Does it hurt? Every time. I feel that there is nothing I can do about it. I can't create a life that has other people in it because I am let down every single time. Why bother?
Facebook. The enemy. I see people's lives, how full they are, how full of love and joy. I see my facebook page, it's all complaining about this that or the other. No real life. But obviously nobody is going to put on the social page how miserable they may really be! Of course not! They are going to put things there that they want other people to see, so they can show how wonderful their lives are.
It's so medieval it's funny when you truly think abou it. Everybody gets to be a courtier. Everybody gets to show off how powerful they are, and if you are not in that circle, you are a peasant with holes in your shoes and rotten teeth.
I'm a peasant with rotten teeth.
